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Happy Valentine's Day! Usually I like this holiday all right, but in the back of my mind consider it a kind of manufactured occasion to buy more stuff. But this year I participated in a performance art event that touched me deeply. The "happening" occurred at AgeSong in Oakland, a care center for elders with Alzheimer's related brain disorders.

I began a week ago by interviewing residents, asking them questions: what is love?; what's the secret to marriage?; what advice would you give to young people to help them have a loving, long term relationship? I reminded them about the high divorce rate and that some young people today feel marriage is a useless institution -- why bother? I taped the interviews.

We also decorated hearts and each resident told us one word to to write on a heart, words to express what makes a good marriage. I loved the words they gave: patience, wedding rice, laughter, kisses. I loved the interview comments:
* "You can't wait for your husband to care for you, you've got to care for him."
* "When times are hard you have to realize things are hard and separate a little, then come back and talk about what to do. It's hard work."
* "You've got to decide what you want to do in life, not just sit around making sugar cookies. I think we should all learn to dance, your husband, your cousins, everybody, and we'll all have great fun."

Yesterday I packed up a huge bag of hats, jackets, dresses, a ring box, and wedding veils. I put my fake wedding cake in a large stainless steel bowl. I'm proud of that cake, since I specialize in performing arts, not 3D construction. I glued boxes of different sizes together, painted them white and slathered them with vanilla icing. On top, I put candy hearts for decoration. It looked good enough to eat. I drove with my loaded car down to AgeSong.

Along with Patti, one of the wonderful activity leaders there, we staged a mock wedding ceremony. Jean put on the bright blue crepe dress with full skirt, low back and bow. Mary wore a green shawl, Ruben wore a gold glitter derby hat, Bill wore a tan felt stetson, most of the women wore tulle wedding veils. We sang the wedding march and made a procession with those who could walk or whose wheelchairs we could push. Rosie gracefully accepted her tinsel wedding ring. Someone agreed to hold the bouquet. As a combination bride and Justice of the Peace I gave a suitably metaphorical homily. "Love is sweet. And so we will put our marriage ingredients into our wedding bowl(I called out the words they had chosen the week before) -- trust, amore, dedication -- we stir up our Love Recipe -- and voila! What did we make? A wedding cake (I ran to the table where I'd hidden the cake and waved it in the air)!!"

Continuing in my role: "How do we end our marriage to our imaginary partners or to our best inner selves? We dance, of course." And so I got to dance with John, who smiled and smiled, and turned me under his arm in a graceful jitterbug. I wish I could have been as playful at my own wedding years ago.

God bless those who can play and pretend, no matter where or when, no matter how well or ill. It was the best Valentine's Day ever.